December 10, 2004

Tons of Songs, Myriad Lists, No Satisfaction

OLLING STONE magazine has just published its list of the 500 greatest rock 'n' roll songs of all time, and wouldn't you know that No. 1 happens to have the magazine's name in the title. No disrespect to "Like a Rolling Stone," Bob Dylan's 1965 hit, but you have to wonder if the results might have been different if other publications were doing the selection.

A certain daily in this city might well have preferred "The Times They Are A-Changin'," also by Mr. Dylan. The top choice of a venerable newsmagazine could have been "Time Is on My Side" by the Rolling Stones. How about the Animals' "House of the Rising Sun" for another New York newspaper?

You get the idea.

You may also have been drawn into the kinds of barroom disputes that a list like Rolling Stone's inevitably produces: "Be My Baby" beats "(Sittin' on) the Dock of the Bay"? Have you lost your mind? For ourselves, we have a problem with any list that leaves out, as this one did, "Heat Wave" by Martha and the Vandellas.

The durability of these types of rankings never ceases to amaze. This is the season when they come into full blossom, no less a fixture than a rerun of "It's a Wonderful Life."

You can count on newspapers, magazines and television stations yielding to an urge to list the year's best plays, worst movies, sexiest fashions and hottest CD's, not to mention the lamest books in which the authors call political opponents stupid, fat, lying slobs.

Some lists are good for a chuckle. A new one from Britain ranks the "cheesiest lines" in film history. No. 1? "I'm the king of the world!" from "Titanic." Hard to argue with that one, although "They may take our lives, but they will never take our freedom," uttered by the eminent theologian Mel Gibson in "Braveheart," could have been a contender.

Speaking of which, the American Film Institute is putting together a list of the 100 most memorable movie lines. The institute came up with 400 possibilities for its designated arbiters. Presumably, in picking the jury, it has rounded up the usual suspects, making them an offer they can't refuse, even if some can't handle the truth and frankly, my dear, don't give a damn.

Some lists are simply weird. Cruising the Internet, part of our 12-step program to come to terms with the 21st century, we stumbled across "The Worst Swedish Album Covers of All Time." Trust us, you don't want to know.

Still, there can be a certain virtue to the lists, said Todd Gitlin, a professor of journalism and sociology at Columbia University. They combine merit and equality. They recognize that some people are better than others, thereby preserving "a sense that there really is an order in the universe." At the same time, Professor Gitlin said, "anybody can kibitz" simply by making a list of his own. So "in that way it's very democratic."

Jay Rosen, a journalism professor at New York University, says that year-end or decade-end rankings are useful ways of marking time and can tell a lot about the person who does the listing. Besides, "they're fun to talk about," Professor Rosen said.

OF course in journalism, he added, anything worth doing is often worth overdoing, "by a factor of 100." The lists can get out of hand. (See: Worst Swedish Album Covers.) Some, however, have serious consequences.

An example is U.S. News & World Report's annual ranking of American universities, a bible for many college-bound teenagers and their parents. The Medical Society of the State of New York says that some doctors, though perhaps a small minority, really care if they make the "best" lists compiled regularly by New York magazine. The Straphangers Campaign, a riders' advocacy group, believes that its ratings of best subway lines, slowest buses and dirtiest trains contribute to the quality of the service.

Since this is a democracy, and anyone can play, why not let 100 lists bloom? Prominent figures can compile their own greatest songs, going beyond rock 'n' roll if they wish.

We can imagine Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg, who briefly discussed his underwear preferences on a radio show, giving "The Boxer" a thumbs-down. Some would say that Gov. George E. Pataki's borrowing habits make "Call Me Irresponsible" a strong candidate. The best song ever for President Bush? "Fortunate Son," naturally.

Then there's the temporarily freed felon Guy J. Velella. Who knows? At this very moment, he may be humming his favorite for 2004, "I'll Be Home for Christmas."