It is one of the great incongruities of nature that as the leaves change into a dazzling palette of oranges and golds and reds, white people simply revert to their original color. But humans are an enterprising species, and nature bows to the advances of science. Like spray tanning booths.
In Huntington, off the Jericho Turnpike, sits Gotti Tans, which was opened by FRANKIE GOTTI AGNELLO, 15, who is related to somebody, and his business partner, NEIL CORDOVA.
Gotti Tans is all black and gold, a color scheme that Mr. Agnello "amazingly picked out in 33 seconds" a wall vendor told us at the grand opening. The walls were shipped from Germany. The fish in the aquarium are also imported, as was observed by a LARGE MAN sitting nearby, one of his hands placed snugly into his waistband.
"Hey, what kind of fish are these?" the man asked. "They don't have fish like this in Jersey!"
A side room is dedicated to the art of the massage as practiced, apparently, by aspiring masseuses who wear tight tank tops. Also off the main room is the office, which includes a large-screen television, a Sony PlayStation 2 and a picture of JOHN GOTTI.
Mr. Agnello appeared to be seeing these rooms for the first time, after he arrived in his white Hummer limo.
"There's a lot going through my mind right now," Mr. Agnello said.
Soon it was time for the ribbon cutting. The crowd clapped, Mr. Agnello picked up the large gold wooden scissors, but the ribbon was too tough. Eventually it had to be torn apart by members of his entourage.
"Cool," Mr. Agnello said, holding the scissors. "Can I keep these?"
Publicist: "No, you can't."
Mr. Agnello: "Why not?"
Publicist: "Because they are on loan."
Breaking Gossip News!
The Harvard Crimson reports that over the weekend LAWRENCE SUMMERS (the president of Harvard!) became engaged to ELISA NEW, an English professor! Who is also at Harvard! Oh, and People magazine reports that TOM CRUISE and KATIE HOLMES are expecting a baby.
Uh, As We Were Saying
On Tuesday night, in ANDRÉ and LEINA SCHIFFRIN's book-crammed penthouse on the Upper West Side, a crowd of left-leaning and left-falling-over writers and intellectuals mingled: VICTOR NAVASKY, LEWIS LAPHAM, JIMMY BRESLIN, CALVIN TRILLIN and CHRISTIE HEFNER among others.
The guest of honor, STUDS TERKEL, was holding court in the back. Mr. Terkel has come out with another book, "And They All Sang: Adventures of an Eclectic Disc Jockey," a collection of interviews with opera singers, composers, blues musicians and BOB DYLAN.
Mr. Terkel was slouched in his chair, holding a cane with a carved fish for a handle, a fish that had apparently broken off at one time and was now secured with duct tape and a hose clamp.
Mr. Terkel is 93, almost completely deaf and has had a few coronary bypasses. That's our due diligence on his health; actually, the man's as alert as a rattlesnake. He began speaking to us of his memories of MUDDY WATERS and MAHALIA JACKSON and BIG BILL BROONZY, but at every few sentences he would stop and yell the name of whoever had walked into the room.
Then he would go on to introduce us to her, describe her career, how they met, what she was working on, whom she knew and how he knew them. Then a little more about Mahalia Jackson and then the next guest.
"You're not getting a very good interview here," Mr. Terkel said to us between introductions.
OLIVER SACKS, who wore a small Band-Aid on his forehead and spent much of the evening studying the bookshelves, sat down gently next to Mr. Terkel, who immediately began recounting a WAGNER opera he had once attended.
"You look great," a woman said.
Mr. Terkel laughed and turned to Mr. Sacks.
"You remember JACQUES, the seven ages of man?" he asked, referring to "As You Like It."
Then Mr. Terkel rehashed the old joke. There are really three ages:
"Youth, middle age and 'you look great,' " he said and laughed again.